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TELECOM ANNOUNCEMENT

2010 11 12

Telecom To Support Built To Spill

TELECOM will be supporting seminal U.S. indie-rock band BUILT TO SPILL on New Years Day, January 1 2011 at the Corner Hotel. BUY TICKETS ($51 bargain?). More details as they come to hand.

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2010 09 06

Prepare To Die -- The Album Is Ready For Launch

In June 2005, a hot new quartet played to less than 10 people at Melbourne’s infamous Pony Bar. Five years later, they’ve garnered rave reviews from the English press, played the most talked about South by Southwest showcase since Wolfmother, sold out Festival Hall in less than an hour, and have a song on the soundtrack of a major Hollywood picture. That band is The Temper Trap.

Despite headlining that bill, TELECOM have spent five years pissing away 'momentum', playing the odd gig to the odd punter and recording their debut LP at their extreme leisure. The result is Prepare To Die, an album pieced together over three years at three locations (Sing Sing South in South Yarra, a house in Richmond, and a flat in St Kilda East), on analog and digital equipment, with our dear friend Robbie Adams and an ARIA Award-winning engineer named Noam/Owen manning the desks.

It’s got try-hard Beach Boys harmonies; inaudible drunken choirs; slide guitars fed through wahs; wahs fed through slides; delayed piano ala John Farnham’s ‘Age of Reason’; the drum sound from The Flaming Lips' ‘Race for the Prize'; solos nicked from Dinosaur Jr.'s 'Green Mind'; extreme Springsteen-isms; weighty lyrics about life, death, and 200 frozen hamburgers.

It has outlasted several family members, one drummer, one manager, and two long-term relationships. It's overseen a wedding, five new jobs, numerous overseas 'holidays', a masters degree, two pregnancies and three side-projects. We’ve hated it. We’ve loved it. And now it’s yours. To listen to. To cherish. To sell at Dixons. To incinerate. We don’t care.

As of September 11, it’s yours and it’s done.

Launching at The Tote. 71 Johnston Street, Collingwood.
Saturday, September 11 2010
Limited edition of 150 hand-numbered albums available on the night

Your pals,
TELECOM

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2010 03 30

Telecom Enter Space-Age of Laser Discs, Hoverboards and Internet Downloads

Just in time for 2006 you can now listen to and / or purchase downloads of TELECOM's debut EP Modern Adventures from telecom.bandcamp.com in mp3 / flac / 7" vinyl / other formats.

Regards,
Angular New-Wave Music
The next big thing
September 2006

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2010 03 15

Telecom Preview New Album of Three Year-Old Songs

Great art can take decades. Just ask Brian Wilson or Rove McManus. Sometimes mediocre art takes just as long, particularly when the "artists" have day jobs and think that art is for F.A.G.O.T's (Friends And Girlfriends Of TELECOM).

TELECOM have been making great art out of talking up and stalling their unreleased debut album Prepare To Die for years -- a truly great album that is still in need of an additional seventeen guitar tracks and a silent hum that will encourage dogs to form government in Victoria.

In anticipation of the release of this anticipation, come hear an exclusive preview of this new album of three year-old songs -- complete with resplendent brown-notes -- this Friday March 19 at Pony. Supporting will be real artists Big Smoke, Aplonea (NSW) and Slow Human Escape. The Doors on at 9PM. Entry $7.

Cordially yours,
Chairman Mao Zedong
Studio Engineer
Chinese Democracy

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2010 03 09

Telecom Place Order With Japanese Sex-Robot Company for "Scarily Lifelike" Drum Machine

Do you believe in life after love? TELECOM believe in auto-tuned vocals and not changing bandnames after foundation members quit to join Wolfmother. To celebrate, T-PAIN AND THE DOGGY DOGGS (formerly TELECOM) play live for the first time without drums at this Saturday night. Playing drums on the night will be the lovable Coops from The Cheats.

Offering support will be the still-complete line-ups of Daughterboy Jao, Damn The Torpedoes and Sweetmac. The Doors on at 2030. Entry is $7.

Party?

Regards,
Cherilyn Sarkisian
Captain
US Navy

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2010 02 20

Shit Band Seeks Average Drummer. Must Have Own Time Machine. Jaded Wash-Ups from the Future Welcome.

We are the shit band who have release five hit albums, seventeen singles and three split 7 inches with latest band from overseas. We have an exciting management and strict weight-loss policy. We are looking for a drummer who can play both 4/4 and 8/8 time signatures as well as sixteenth notes. We need someone who is uglier than at least two thirds of the band but who could be considered attractive in a Seth-Rogen-is-fat-but-can-charm-chicks-into-pity-sex-with-self-deprecating-jokes-about-masturbation-and-excessive-pot-smoking way. We have album recorded, flights cancelled, cocaine ordered and major label disinterest. If this sounds like you and you can hit sticks with skins, this could be a band you are in. Call now. No timewasters. Unless you have timemachine. In which case, cool!

Come farewell long-serving, long suffering, much-loved drummer Blake Williams in his last gig for TELECOM this Saturday 9PM at the IDGAFF Bar in Abbotsford. Support comes from dear friends The Cheats and HIGH FANGS. Entry is free.

And for all of you prospective drummers out there, applications for our new reality television show Telecom: Cymbal of Love. Hosted by Mark Philippousis" will be available at the door. Interested parties can email their headshots to: switchboard@telecomlovesyou.com

Regards,
Pete Best
Drummer
Them Crooked Vultures

P.S. On a more or less serious note, please take the time to register for and attend the Save Live Australia's Music Rally next Tuesday, February 23, commencing at 4PM at the State Library in Melbourne. The RockWiz Orchestra will be leading the march to Parliament playing AC/DC's "Long Way to the Top" on the back of a flatbed truck. See you there!

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2010 01 25

Telecom Return from the Future to Save Live Music, Past Selves from Obscurity

Everyone is always talking about comebacks, like ‘Band A are back from hibernating in the studio’ or ‘Band B’s latest album is a definite return to form.’ TELECOM on the other hand, record only in lounge rooms, have never had any form to begin with, and are yet to release any album.

But all that’s about to change.

With all of 2009’s shows performed strictly in private, TELECOM in 2010 look to take their entirely new and elaborate "stage-show" into the faces of audiences everywhere. Mixing ‘rock’ and ‘pop’ by an intricate combination of several guitars, vocals and drums; it’d be safe to say you’ve never seen a show like it. And so at the The Newtown Workers Club in the Melbourne suburb of Fitzroy on Friday January 29 with Damn The Torpedoes, CHASE EGO and newcomers BLIND PILOTS -- it begins.

2010 will also see the release of Prepare To Die, the debut album from that TELECOM band I’ve been telling you about. Drinking, hamburgers and partying with hot babes has never sounded so good.

Sincerely yours,
Larry Flynt

Once again proving themselves as Internets™ pioneers, TELECOM now offers you your choice of social-networking nomenclature: you can become a fan on Facebook, a follower on Twitter or we will totally understand if you just want to remain friends on myspace (unfortunately our Second Life interactive rehearsal space and hot-dog stand was burnt down by an army of floating penises; damages are estimated to be a quarter of a million Second Life dollars [US$6 Trillion]).

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