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2006 12 20

Telecom Named Time Magazine Person Of The Year

Eeny-meeny-myney-mo, TELECOM-play-kick-ass-rock-show! If-you-holler-let-'em-go, marvel-at-bitchin'-guitar-solo......s! That's right, to launch Melbourne's newest (and from what we hear, the bestest ever in the history of the eardrum) venue Exile on Smith Street, this Friday night, December 22 at 9PM TELECOM will play a rock show supporting TIGER BY THE TAIL, who are also launching their new CD. For clues on where this new venue will be and how to get there, this enigma can be unwrapped by looking carefully at old Inpress Magazines and seeing where Clem in fact leans AWAY from Jesus, demonstrating that the Holy Grail is in fact in Collingwood. Or, just look at the above text. Or read the next sentence. It's in Smith Street, Collingwood, number 125.

In some last exciting pieces of news for the year, TELECOM's debut EP Modern Adventures recently headed a list of top 10 Australian non-label releases for 2006, as put together by Ryan Egan, host of RRR's Local and/or General. And today TELECOM was featured on the informative Sydney-based Australian music blog The Sandwich Club.

So what better way to say "I Love You" this holiday season than with a Modern Adventures CD and/or a spatula?

Best wishes for the holiday season and a safe 2007,

Sy Greenblum
President, Spatula City

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2006 12 07

"Second Feature" KEXP Seattle's Song of the Day

TELECOM is excited to reveal that the lead single from its debut EP Modern Adventures Second Feature will today be featured as KEXP Seattle's Song of the Day.

As well as being presented on KEXP's daily podcast and blog, the song will also be played on the station's John in the Morning breakfast show.

You can subscribe to the KEXP Song of the Day podcast with iTunes (subscribe with another service here) or listen to KEXP live.

Buy Modern Adventures online <--- there.

Kind regards,
Cliff Poncier

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2006 11 30

Band Camp Cancelled

Due to council and CFA concerns regarding the dangers of the coming bush-fire season and an inability to find a suitable alternative date/venue, Band Camp has unfortunately had to be cancelled.

Ticket refunds are available from the point of purchase.

TELECOM apologises for any inconvenience.

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2006 11 29

Band Camp This Saturday, Headline Offers Three Meanings

TELECOM are all about wearing sunglasses on stage. Although it has been tried before, it tends to look a bit poncy when you're inside and the only people in the audience are the mixer and some random drunk dancing. So we say "Hallelujah-readers-of-print-media-and-its-various-affiliates!", because TELECOM are playing The BAND CAMP Festival!! Outside! We think!

That's right, TELECOM headline along with DYNAMO, THE SPECIMENS, DELORIS, KAMIKAZE TRIO as well as a host of kick-ass others this Saturday at Opoeia in the Great Ottway National Park, Airley's Inlet. And by headline, we mean 'Play at 10PM' which probably negates the whole wearing-sunnies-on-stage idea. Will they or won't they? And will this be THE festival to attend this summer? (Have you seen the line-up for the BDO?) These questions amongst others can be answered for only $40, which includes a whole weekend of good times, sunshine, fine wines (read: beer) and no tramlines for at least 100km.

Tickets available NOW from Missing Link and Polyester Records Fitzroy.

Czechoslovakian-exchange-student-and-flute-player-extraordinaire Ivan Lendl

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2006 11 22

Secret Advertised Non-Warehouse Show in Bar With DJs This Thursday (Shhhh!)

TELECOM have just returned from the docks where they signed for delivery of 48 Crates of ROCK-hard ROCK, and are pleased to announce a "SECRET WAREHOUSE SHOW" this Thursday November 23 at Ding Dong ROCK Lounge, where they will unload the aforementioned crates on a most-likely-suspecting-something-is-probably-about-to-happen audience; of course using State Authorised, Union-Approved Backsafe Techniques. Everything must go! We've gone crazy! Etc! Joining them all the way from Sydney will be GOLDEN MEAN who are launching their totally awesome new EP "The Riddle of Motive", as well as local hot-shots SECONDS and THE BLACK HUNDRED. Doors 8PM Entry: JUST $6.

On Friday night, TELECOM join DELORIS for the launch of their totally awesome new album "Ten Lives" at the Northcote Social Club. Doors at 9.30PM, tickets $12 at the door. This show will be smoke free, but through some tense negotiations with management we've just had confirmation that Smokin' Hot Guitar Solos WILL be permitted. So make sure you tell Mulva, Celeste, Kest, Rest, Sest, Hest, Aretha, Bovary, Gipple, Loleola and Joseph Puglia.

Art Vandalay
Vandalay Industries

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2006 11 15

PBS Takes Over The Tote, Small Oil-Rich Nations To Follow

TELECOM, who never playa-hate, are gonna celebrate and congratulate the new release from PBS/I Love Records "LIVE AT STUDIO FIVE" by being part of pretty much the best line-up EVER in the History Of Music That Gets Played In Pubs This Thursday. That's right, EVEN, THE CA$INOS and TELECOM, all on the one bill, all at The Tote, all on Thursday night (8PM), all for just $10 ($7 for PBS subscribers). "LIVE AT STUDIO FIVE", featuring 16 tracks from local, national and international artists -- including TELECOM's "Bermuda Triangle" -- will be available for purchase on the night, and for the uninitiated, this scribe can tell you that it KICKS SERIOUS ASS. Especially Track 4. Meanwhile, PBS will be broadcasting "Legless on the Wireless" LIVE and free from the front bar from 5PM - 10PM, including an interview with TELECOM at 5.15PM on Andrew Yule's Drive Thru.

And if that wasn't enough, the following night at the Espy Front Bar, TELECOM help KAMIKAZE TRIO launch their new EP French Lick with HOSS and THE BOWERBIRDS. With so much highly-charged-and-moderately-sexual-non-hip-hop-related ROCK on offer, we will surely understand if a pandemic of pleasure-overload-itis breaks out across the city.

All manner of excitement

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2006 11 09

Telecom Had A Pony; He Was A Beautiful Pony and They Loved Him

TELECOM are smokin' hot from playing some Halloween, Cup Day and Larry Flynt Birthday shows, and after a meeting in the Tele-board room, all in favour said "Aye" and memos were sent via internal email only. The result: against their better judgement TELECOM are going to knock it up a notch -- BAM! This Saturday Night/Sunday Morning TELECOM play their HOTTEST show yet with the highly coveted, always sweaty and SEXY PONY 2AM ROCK SHOW. Entry is FREE. Who wouldn't love a Pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a Pony?


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2006 11 01

Mo' 'vember, Mo' TELECOM

You've seen them on the TV for approx 60 seconds.
You've heard them on the radio at various non-ratings times.
You've heard them spoken about in hushed tones by high school students in their List Of Top 3 Emo Bands You'd Most Wanna Go XStraight EdgeX with.

You've also been spammed by them on a regular basis direct to yr PC LOLZARS!!11

Now, see TELECOM LIVE and IN PERSON, PERFORMING ALL THEIR HIT, at 161's shakesomeaction this Thursday Night at 9PM. Featured before TELECOM will be other alleged teen heart-throb "vagabond" J. HAWK, but fret not parents and guardians; 48 paramedics trained specifically in the field of rock-related hysteria, or 'Rock-teria', will be on hand to provide first aid.

Doors 9PM. $8 entry. Mention TELECOM to receive discounted entry.

$2 pots and $3 champagne 9-10PM, no jocks, free coke, nerds guaranteed sex.

Please Note: Autographs will be signed ONLY on EPs and on presentation of two (2) signed copies of receipts. Scraps of paper, bus tickets, T-shirts and bare skin will NOT be signed, unless drinks are exchanged and the queue permits.

Ma$e feat. Bigg Dogg

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2006 10 26

Telecom To Make Left-Over Poverty and Daylight-Savings Hour History

When TELECOM gets to the bottom they go back to the top of the slide. That's pretty much where they like to turn and go for a little ride. They will do this -- without the aid of a slide -- this Saturday October 28th 11PM at HELTER SKELTER Dream Nightclub, 229 Queensberry Street, Carlton, Melbourne's newest Late-Night-Rock-Party-Night (TELECOM are scheduled to hit the stage and wind their clocks forward an hour at 2AM, so make sure you are there at 1 to see them perform at 3, carry the 2 minus the 4 = ROCK).

Unfortunately though, there are impoverished communities in this world who don't even have slides to go back to the top of, so on Sunday, October 29 at 3PM TELECOM will also be playing the Trash and Treasure charity fundraiser at the Tote, with all funds raised going towards aiding South African Community Development. As well as live music, there will be a market, a bake sale and a BBQ (with veggie options).

We can confirm that Charles Manson will NOT be let out to support either event; he'd just get ideas and nobody wants that, except maybe Dennis Wilson. In his place will be, on Saturday night at Dream: International Karate and Dog With Wheels, and on Sunday at the Tote: the Cheats, the Kissingers and Blackchords, all wild and dangerous 'Rock Show Performance Types'.

So anyone wanting a ride that is scary, thrilling and most likely causes you to vomit through sheer exhaultation AND helps end world poverty would be advised to attend.

Blisters on your fingers,

Sir Paul McCartney MBE, OBE, AVO

P.S. For those who missed TELECOM's belated appearance on ABC's JTV you can check out the segment on the JTV website.

P.P.S. Yesterday, Greg appeared in voice on Syn FM 90.7's All-Australian breakfast radio show The Hoist to speak about this Sunday's South African Community Development Benefit and play some of his favourite Australian music. For those who missed it you can listen to the full interview (right click, save as; mp3 [27.3MB][57:23])

P.P.P.S Modern Adventures is now available in stores in Adelaide at Big Star Records and in Sydney at Fish Records, Paint It Black and Red Eye Records.

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2006 10 12

Friday the 13th, Part XXL: Jason Goes to The IDGAFF

After returning from a successful tour of Australia's answer to Crystal Lake, Sydney, superstitious Melbourne ROCKERS TELECOM bring their god-fearing brand of indie rock this Friday the 13th of October to the IDGAFF Bar and Venue in Abbotsford (IDGAFF is in fact an actual word; it means GAFF but on the id-side).

Also packing their lucky black-cat's feet and stepping over ladders under footpath cracks will be sassy country-twangers The Muddy Spurs.

Show starts at 9PM, $4 entry.

Elias Voorhees

P.S. You can read a review of TELECOM's Sydney show on the informative Australian music blog A Reminder.

P.P.S. For those who missed Darren and Nick on Sydney's FBi 94.5FM last Friday you can listen to the full interview here (right click, save as [11.6MB])

P.P.P.S. For those who missed TELECOM on ABC's JTV last Friday and Tuesday on ABC2's JTVXL you were not alone, as due to time constraints TELECOM's appearance was postponed. So tune in THIS WEEK, Friday at 11.25PM on ABC and next Tuesday at 9PM on ABC2. Again, for those not able to watch, the segment will be posted next week for all eternity on the JTV website.

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2006 10 04

Telecom Annual General Meeting In Sydney

As a special Sydney surprise, Melbourne ROCK specialists TELECOM will be launching their debut EP Modern Adventures in their only NSW show this Saturday, October 7 at the Hopetoun Hotel, a show that promises to be both entertaining AND pentertraining, the latter of which is indeed actually a real word (it means “exciting, but on the inside”.)

Joining the live simulated pentertration will be other heavyweight Sydney hotshots I [Love] Space, Merle Morris and The Laurels. Doors open at 8PM. $8.

In the lead-up to this exciting event, TELECOM will be delighting the many* (*2) senses of radio and telelvision owners with many* (*2) appearances across many* (*2) mediums:

HEAR TELECOM on Sydney's FBi 94.5FM this Friday afternoon at 4.30PM AET. Nick and Darren will be playing acoustic as Linda Marigliano's special guests on Friday Arvo. For those not in Sydney, streaming is available on the FBi website.

SEE AND HEAR TELECOM on ABC's JTV this Friday at 11.25PM and next Tuesday at 9PM on ABC2's JTVXL. For those not able to watch, the video will be posted next week for all eternity on the JTV website.

And we are pleased to announce that for those outside of Melbourne and Sydney, YES, you can finally:

BUY TELECOM's debut EP Modern Adventures and other trinkets through the new ye olde SHOP on the TELECOM website.

I'll see you at the beach,

P.S. TELECOM have changed Myspace addresses to the easy-to-remember Please update your address books/non-Christian rolodexes.

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2006 09 07

Genuine Bootleg TELECOM-Brand Music Now On Sale

With TELECOM-brand Beer™ selling out at their recent EP launch in “unprecedented and record-holding time”*, TELECOM are pleased to introduce TELECOM-brand MUSIC™ this Saturday, September 9 on the Bootleg stage at Ding Dong Lounge. Joining TELECOM and their amazing sound and light show will be The Amazing Phillips Sisters and an amazing special mystery guest who as far as we know is not the A*Mazing James Sherry.

TELECOM's debut EP Modern Adventures will be available for purchase on the night, or for those who can't wait, it can be be obtained legally via the interweb at Missing Link Records or in Melbourne at Greville Records Prahran, International Trash Richmond, and Polyester Records Fitzroy for just $6.

TELECOM also recently appeared in sound as Celebrity Rooters on RRR 102.7FM's Best of the Brat, counting down their Top 5 Rooting/Holding Hands and Hugging songs.

Listen to the interview in full [mp3 36.8MB] (WARNING: Interview contains talk of a saucy nature)

AND FINALLY TELECOM also features this week on A Reminder an informative Australian music blog based in Sydney.

Line 6 Position 4,
Mike Mead and Melvin

*Unprecedented and record-holding in that it was never available before and most likely never available again.

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2006 08 16

EP Launch This Friday At Ding Dong, TELECOM Beer Served On Tap

TELECOM are brewing something special for their Friday, August 18 EP launch at Ding Dong Lounge -- a full-flavoured Canadian pilsner which reviewers are calling "brisk", "refreshing" and "hangover free". That’s right, TELECOM-brand beer will be part of the merchandise shenanigans, along with fridge magnets, show bags and free hand-stamps at the launch of the band’s debut EP Modern Adventures.

Word around the water cooler is that the launch will be filmed for JTV. So circle the date on your calendar, get a cooler haircut and pull out your brightest fluorescent T-shirt because, "Look ma! There’s a possibility I might be on TV sometime in the future". Joining TELECOM will be The Suits, The Cheats and (the) Muscles.

Doors open at 8PM.

Rockstar: Supernova TELECOM

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2006 08 02

Jews Responsible For All Rock In Espy This Saturday

TELECOM (who as a band is 7/16 Jewish) will join other Jews in taking time out from being responsible for all of the wars in the world to play a special charity event this Saturday, August 5 9PM at The Espy: That's What I Like About Jew: A Benefit for Darfur.

That's What I Like About Jew aims to simultaneously celebrate Jewish influence in the Melbourne live music scene, and raise funds to aid those affected by the genocide in Darfur, Sudan. Taking place across the entire Espy, the night will feature: Still Thinking, Reason feat. Briggs and DJ 563 (UK), Yidcore, Klezmania, Anna Fiszman (USA), Talkshow Boy, TVA, Marissa and Skove (Odyssey), Shemesh, Demona (Israel), Simon Starr, Anita Lester, White Rabbits, Schnorer, DJ Macromantics, DJ Feshtoonkineh and DJ Arik (Pablo Discobar).

TELECOM play in the lounge bar after midnight. Tickets are $12.

For people unable to attend the event but still wanting to aid those in need -- both in Darfur and in other parts of the world -- please visit the Medicins Sans Frontieres and Red Cross websites for more information on how you can help.

Kenny Brocklestein

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2006 07 24

Last Week of Residency, Free Stuff™

TELECOM bring a close to their month-long Tote residency this Wednesday July 26 at 8PM, with one last hurrah -- hurrah! -- featuring debut special guests and The Brutals, free Blake TELECOM badges, free TELECOM stickers, and a repetitive cover song that will ensure that girls in the audience leave glad and wanting to get people high. All of this for just $4!

Mustapha Mond
World Controller for Western Europe and greater Collingwood

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2006 07 17

Hand of God Mends After Alleged Ball Handling

After recovering from a hand injury some say was caused by his girlfriend being out-of-town for a night, guitarist Nick TELECOM is said to be "heavily hopped up" and "swearing repeatedly under his breath" in preparation for Week 3 of the TELECOM Tote Wednesday Night Residency. This week sees not only country-blues newcomers Dog With Wheels supporting, and a special cover being SHOUTed TO THE TOP of the setlist (and by TOP we mean somewhere in the middle) but also Free Greg TELECOM Badges for the first 30 payers featuring artwork from the soon-to-be-released Modern Adventures EP, an EP which last week had Inpress's Singled Out column using the terms "natty, pleasant surprise, ace, excellent, in thrall, in heaven", though these terms were not used sequentially, and to be fair have possibly been taken entirely out of context.

And then on Saturday night get on down to The Espy Lounge Bar for more mutual admiration with TELECOM, Souls on Board and Merle Morris performing a different type of self-abuse, the sort that involves the performance of ROCK in front of sweaty St. Kildians.

Malcolm "I would've wiped the blood off Syd's knife myself" McLaren

P.S. To listen to Nick and Darren TELECOM's interview with Ryan Egan on RRR 102.7FM's Local and/or General last Monday night click here [mp3 9.47MB]

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2006 07 10

Residency Part Deux, First Radio Interview Since Patty Gave Birth To A 10lb Baby Boy

TELECOM continue their Wednesday-Residency-Party-Time-Rock-n-Roll-Jagshemesh at the Tote THIS WEDNESDAY, with special guests From Hell. FREE STUFF™ will again be included for your sensory pleasure in the form of more limited-edition Modern Adventures badges (this week featuring Darren TELECOM) for the first 30 payers to hold, caress and prick themselves with, as well as a very-special-never-before-heard-cover-song from the TELECOM SONGBOOK to listen to. Can you guess what it is? The suspenders must be killing you, but don't let it put you down, don't let it push you around, don't let it ever change your point of view; the ironing is delicious!

In other news, make sure you're tuned into Melbourne Radio Station RRR 102.7FM TONIGHT (Monday) at 10PM for Local and/or General, featuring special guests Darren and Nick TELECOM who will be chatting about luck in Vegas, their intricate love lives, and to a lesser extent, TELECOM's forthcoming EP, Modern Adventures.

Billy and Patty 's 10 Pound Baby Boy.

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2006 07 03

Telecom July Tote Residency, Free Stuff™ To Be Had

TELECOM understand what the people want. Through their use of focus groups, soft-focus groups, and auto-focus groups, they have determined what could not have been determined without employing a publicist: people like FREE STUFF. To celebrate the realisation of the obvious, throughout their July Tote residency, TELECOM will be offering patrons FREE STUFF. Each week the first 30 people through the door will be rewarded in the form of limited-edition, available-only-on-the-night, never-to-be-repeated, prices-slashed BADGES, featuring never-before-seen artwork from their forthcoming release Modern Adventures. Collect all 4! And for those who like to turn up fashionably late, TELECOM have thought of you too, and plan to reward your tardiness with a FREE TELECOM BUMPER STICKER.

What's that? You like music too? Well, as well as playing their usual set of MUSICAL songs, TELECOM will be (p)adding COVERS to their extensive repertoire of songs that they play with instruments.

All of this for just $4!

So come along to TELECOM’s Wednesday Night Tote Residency in July for FREE STUFF, special covers, special guests, special people, special times, sha la la laa.

THIS WEEK WEDNESDAY JULY 5: Special guests TIC TOC TOKYO, free Nick TELECOM badges, and one BOSS cover.

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2006 06 30

Telecom Publicise Public Show At Public Bar

TELECOM play shows, in front of audiences, and describe themselves as "makers of music." They do this at bars and pubs, where people go to drink and hear the aforementioned sounds. When the guitarist plays many notes in a row, the audience usually goes "Yes! Yes! Yes! This rocks!". This is called a solo. And when the drummer hits with sticks the round 'drum-type' things, the audience goes "Check it out Dude: This Band Is Tight!" And when the singer says something into the microphone in a melodic way, the audience goes "Wow... Just listen to the depth inherent in the marriage of music and words!" This is called singing.

If all this just confuses you no end, then make sure you're at The Public Bar TONIGHT to have it demonstrated personally for you. Also teaching lessons that one soon won't forget will be the highly-educated Noiseradio and the highly-decorated Major Major. Now pull up your socks, tuck in that shirt and meet my behind the bike sheds with a packet of PJ 20's.

With only appropriate love,

P.S. You can request to hear TELECOM songs Second Feature and Kicks on Triple J's Super Request Show by following the instructions on their website.

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2006 06 21

Telecom Buys Consonant, Vowel Prices Continue To Rise

After D-azzling all at the Espy Free Kick competition, D-elighting Triple J, RRR and FBi (with their soon-to-be-released debut EP Modern Adventures) and D-emystifying civilisation's beginnings with a single guitar solo, it may seem to some like TELECOM have run out of 'D-escribing' words that start with D. (We're told that that's called a 'verb', children.) Well, don't deny the denizens because dumbasses denounce their donuts to demand more dubious rock, with dented drums! Decked out next to TELECOM in their debutante dresses at the Espy this Friday will be the decadent Kamikaze Trio and the delicous Kids From Russia. Drink deeply, my deprived daddys; your demented demands for ROCQUE will be delivered.

David Reyne

P.S. You can request to hear TELECOM's single Second Feature on Triple J's Super Request Show by following the instructions on their website.

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2006 06 15

Stop Press. Vicki Vale.

TELECOM are playing TONIGHT at The Espy Public Bar in a bid to become the chosen band for the Community Cup. So, do you want to hear them rockin' out while your eatin' a half-cooked snag with Kram, and pissing behind the change-rooms with Phil Grinspoon, all the while raisin' some cash for a good cause? Cos if it aint TELECOM, it'll just be some other band you haven't heard of, and at least you can impress your mates by saying: "See those cunns up on the stage there? I'm on their bloody mailin' list, mate."

Support TELECOM, Choice of the New Generation, The Espy, tonight, 9PM.

Ferret Maxtown

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2006 06 07

Telecom Scores Goal, Maradona Scores Gram, World Continues To Turn

With The World Cup almost upon us, its time to squeeze in some ROCK (with ROCK band TELECOM) before everyone around you starts saying things like "Offside! That Ref must be German!" and "Ole, Ole, Ole, Oi! Oi! Oi!".

So if you would prefer to hear talk like "This songs for all the ladies in the house this evening..." and "Guitar!" before all the fever sets in, then make sure you're at C'mon C'mon at The Evelyn on Thursday night to see TELECOM. Also playing are HOT LITTLE HANDS and THE HOLLYS (NSW), who are apparently not to be confused with the 1960s British-Invasion rock'n'roll band of the same name. Doors at 8.30PM. Admission $6.

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2006 06 02

New Shows, New Tracks, Same Tired Innuendos -- Nothing Sexual

TELECOM has been quite quiet of late, having been away, FAR away, in places that resist explanation and defy expectation. They have mingled with the trees, touched the hand of God, drunk generously from the Goblet of Warmth and cracked the ancient Code of Love. But what does all this signify? Well, it means they will be playing a show Saturday June 3rd at Weekender at Laundry. Supporting, or under-headlining if you will, will be rock's answer to John Holmes: THE CHEATS. Nothing Sexual. $1 Pots and Champagne 9 - 10PM. $8 Entry. DJs Steve Wide + Friends will follow the bands.

You can check out and even LISTEN to TWO TRACKS from TELECOM's forthcoming EP Modern Adventures, due out sometime this century:

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2006 03 09

Last Chance To Fly TELECOM For Months, Bird Flu Strikes 767

Attention Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. This is your sexy but heavily made-up flight attendant speaking. We here at TELECOM Aero-lines would like you now to please switch off all electronic devices, return your chair to the upright position and if it really turns you on, assume the 'crash position' because the Captain has something important to announce:

Prepare yourself for the G-Forces because TELECOM and Red Ink Spills are playing at C'mon C'mon TONIGHT at The Evelyn, utilising over 4,000 G chords and blasting off at 2100, Gate 1. Please be aware there are substantial fines for smoking in the toilet so please disregard the ashtrays we have in there anyways. The in-flight entertainment will involve many guitars and songs about getting wasted and puking and stuff. Also in a rare move, management will be offering 'Mile High Service' in the alley round the corner, behind the dumpster and next to the broken glass, nothing sexual.

P.S. THIS IS YOUR FINAL CHANCE TO FLY TELECOM until the launch of the debut EP Modern Adventures, ETD: mid-2006.

Enjoy a sneak preview of the first track Second Feature available to download from the Music section, or to stream from TELECOM's Myspace Page.

Thank you for flying TELECOM, have a nice day.

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2006 02 27

New Generation Chooses TELECOM, TELECOM Chooses Phenylalanine

With Summer well and truly upon us and Pepsi Samba and Coke Zero failing miserably in the taste department, TELECOM Management would like to offer you a new alternative in Rock Refreshments: "TELECOM Brand Carbonated Beverage Juice Drink". Cool and refreshing, new and hip, and also quite possibly containing some alcohol, nothing says "Hey, Look At Me, We're Partying, Wanna Join Us?" like an ice cold can of TELECOM. So come weeze the juice at The Town Hall Hotel this Friday night with The Muddy Spurs and TELECOM, The ROCK Choice Of A New Generation.

Mmm, now THAT'S tasty...

With Love,
The TELECOM Board Of Directors.

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2006 02 22

Shot to the Heart and Dick's to Blame, TELECOM Give Headlines A Bad Name

With the Free World now safe from the quail evil-doers, TELECOM and, to a fictional extent, Vice President Dick Cheney would like to inform you that all available intelligence suggests that there is a Weekender show of MASS ROCK DESTRUCTION at Ding Dong this Saturday night. Joining the rock band that's favoured in a recent poll by 9 out of 10 Marines as the band with the best music to "blow sh*t up to", WINDOW, will be the Patriotic and Para-Military, the Existential and Expediential, the Standers To and Seekers Of Attention, The All-American* Purveyors of PUNCH -- TELECOM.

This is a war for patriots, and in a post-9/11 world, word from the Oval Office is that those not in attendance will be shot in the face with a high powered rifle, accidentally on purpose -- nothing sexual.

With Love,
Corporal N. TELECOM
Business Class

*May only contain 1/4 Americans

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2006 01 16

Telecom Promise Nuddy, Deliver Nada

TELECOM continue their long and lusty love affair with Ding Dong with a wild and sleazy show this Friday night, February 17 at 9PM. Partly to celebrate the recent installation of the Jägermeister tap (thanks largely to Darren "I brought back Jäger" TELECOM who was reportedly the 1st person EVER to suggest "Jäger AND Coke") and also in part because of the deep lust TELECOM have for the 'Dong, this WILL be a no-holds-barred display of love and affection.

Also getting in on the orgy are Love Of Diagrams, Children Collide and Talkshow Boy, who as you read this are all greeting their fluffers and icing their areola. However for legal reasons, management must confirm that this show contains NIL NUDITY, and all sexual innuendo is implied only, and will merely be illustrated through ROCK. If this disappoints, there is always the Crazy Horse Theatre down the street, ya sicko.

With Lust,

P.S. Be sure to check out the Photos section where thirty-two (32!) brand NEW photos have been uploaded, documenting the rise and fall of TELECOM since last October, including the painstaking recording process of their debut EP, which is due out very soon!*

*Sometime this year.

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2006 01 16

Telecom Launch into 2006 with Gig and Cheeky Wordplay

In the fine tradition of big Latin words used by the Queen, TELECOM would like to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW ANNUS! And in honour of the Queen, and her annus, TELECOM is playing its first show for 2006, this Saturday January 21, 9PM at The Town Hall Hotel in North Melbourne. Joining TELECOM are local hot rockers THE CHEATS, who are quite simply radical, and the sultry acoustic stylings of the ROSS COTTEE TIMEZONE. So come help TELECOM launch into the new annus, an annus which promises to be full of promise and promising things with involved promise; we promise.

Warm Tidings,
Nicky T.

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Stay tuned for upcoming shows.


Album released September 11, 2010


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